All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
