I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize