let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Two words: nipple clamps
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