two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
