Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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