just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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