I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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