There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
