Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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