No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
