I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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