I have demons in me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing