i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji