She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B