My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
