Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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