We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
