Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
