I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize