FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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