final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
