And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
