the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
