I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
