he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
