I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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