After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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