let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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