Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
