Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize