11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Floor bacon is actually really good
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
