After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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