I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
