Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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