Pants 0. Shit 1.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
