peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
