At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
And then he peed in my hair
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