are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
