lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize