I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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