You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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