remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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