I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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