I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just want to make out with him forever
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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