he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
