Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
