I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
