do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you had me at cake vodka
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
