I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is Oprah even human
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
