Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
