someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize