If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
