I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
