Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
