If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
