she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
