so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize