I hate your face
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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