you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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