And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
