her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
