I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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