He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
