What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
