I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
