it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
