I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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