What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
