i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
