im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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