I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She has the best kind of daddy issues
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
