I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
