If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I have post one night stand depression
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